Happy Birthday Lola
and Tiffany

Modal Soul

Fierce scarf!

It may seem a bit unorthodox, but I haven't celebrated Christmas yet. My family does it a bit different. You see, being a Philipino, we're very cheap people. We'd rather pay little and recieve a lot of labor, rather than pay much and do very little. This is probably one of the very few things about the Philippines that I actually admire. We tend to work very hard for money, and we don't take it for granted. That's besides the point. Sure, who doesn't deserve the fruits of our parents' labour, especially when everything after the holidays goes on sale. Everyone is always rushing to give beofre the 25th, but I guess you can say my family thinks ahead. There's never anything wrong with saving money. The more money, the better, right? Maybe. I probably sound like a fool for saying this, but...money really isn't everything to me. It doesn't make me that happy. Sure, I'll get excited when I recieve it, but it's more about what I do with it. I almost have everything I want. I work for the fashion industry, I have a great family, I have supportive friends, and I have more. Maybe I'm still feeling the after effects of what that bitch did to me. i've moved on, but the thought of girls like her really set off a bomb in me. I think I'm missing the companionship I'm used to having all year round. I've never been too long without a partner in crime. There's nothing wrong with wanting to give yourself to someone. Trial, and error is what it is. I've dealt with three women, and learned three different things. I feel like this chapter is ending. It's sad that it had to end on a blue note, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe this fall I could have a new scene before me. France, California, Chicago, Boston? I'll go wherever life takes me. As for now, I'll continue to lose weight. I'm down to 178. I miss my old physique =/. I'll get a haircut prior to the new semester. I'lll invest in a new wardrobe. I'm getting rid of most of my dunks. To me, those are just high school relics. I have a great feeling for 09. 08 had it's ups and downs. More downs, than ups. Overall, I'm a lot stronger than I used to be, a lot more talented, open minded, and determined. Point..focus...CLICK!

A Better View of the Rising Moon.

Snow...How lovely...

It's another late night/early morning for me. I don't know how many of you read my blog, but it helps me vent out and knock out. I have a heavy load on my head right now(what's new?). I want a cigarette but I'm trying to kick the habit. The pain in my left arm is unbearable. I sprained a ligament and now I can't move my fingers. I was thinking of going somewhere far away. Perhaps a change of scenery for me is needed. CalArts was one of my options. I know for a fact that California is a very laid back place. It's no place for an eastern city slicker. I love the city though. It would be very difficult for me to leave for the fact that I would miss everyone here. It's not the people that I will miss, because I would be missing the feeling of wandering around this concrete jungle. I've been told that I was a laid back person, and that California is where I belong. I have a feeling that they're wrong. I feel like an extraordinary being on this side of the country. I have the California mindset, but I have the instincts and street smarts of a New Yorker. I feel like Ferdinand, from the children's book "The Story Of Ferdinand" written by Munro Leaf. The book is about a bull who would rather smell the flowers rather than clash with matadors. The East Coast is generally in a hurry 100% of the time, but as for me, I like walking slow and observing the people on the street and the scenery. Capturing the moments of this infinite feeling through a camera makes me feel at peace. It's at those moments where I can die happy. Everyone is rushing to get somewhere but I'm in no rush at all. People are walking past me at a faster pace while I just fade into the back. I know I'm not a person who likes responsibilities. If I had a choice, I would wander around the city capturing photos all day, and everyday. What exactly is the purpose of a human being? Like Ferdinand, people expected him to fight because he was a bull. A human? I usually expect humans to work for money. Don't get me wrong, money is important, but people don't really take time to enjoy the finer things in life. It's not my problem, but it troubles me. To leave, or to go...that is the question. I love California, but I belong in New York City. Besides, above the skyscrapers, the city has a better view of the rising moon.

I used to be a devil...

A vision of hell within the depths of Tigertron

You just reminded me of how much I hate you. What you've done is unforgivable. I used to be a devil to people I knew, but you're bringing back the devil in me.

Wandering alone....

Pieces of a broken stove top

Several thoughts are popping into my head right about now. Tiger Army's Wander Alone is playing in the background, I believe it must have something to do with it. Repeatedly Nick 13 says, "So now I wander alone, without no one. There's just this pain in my heart. There is no place that I can go...and so it's come to be, shards of broken dreams are cutting me apart." I hate to get emo, but for some reason I still feel like this. Maybe I just need to keep myself more occupied. Working for Vogue is really tiring me out. Who knew that the fashion industry is as tough as this. I hope it turns out well, someday I hope to be a great fashion photographer. I miss all my friends at the New School. The Dynamic duo of Carol and Tiffany, the hilarious comical styles of Inseup Keum, Jarrod, Kurt, Luis, and the rest of the Korean Connection. As of now, I have to focus on getting my life back. I've been doing very well actually. My head is on straight, though some screws are bit a loose. My weight loss goal is doing pretty good as well. I began at 194, and i'm down to 182. I've been drinking a lot of water, and don't exceed over 2000 calories a day nor do I eat after 9. I have no idea how I function. I literally run on 2-3 hours of sleep, and work most of the day. I mean, I usually start my day off with coffee and a cigarette or two. I'm surprised that I haven't been much of a smoker as much. I usually would down a pack and a half in a day, but recently it's usually no more than 3-6 a day. Life's been looking up. I used to see the world in black and white, or a subtle sepia tone, but I've been more dazzled by the warmer tones of the spectrum. Though I still feel pretty shitty, it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. Perhaps I really do have to wander alone to make a change. Maybe it's true that I can only rely on myself, but it's always great to have that companionship. I miss it, but lately, x amount of people/person have/has fulfilled my standards. HAHA! You can't guess how many it is, let alone who it is. We'll see what twists and turns that life has to offer me. In the end, ash falls of a cigarette, the sun still sets, but I'll still be around when the sun rises. So much is really said unheard.

RA MU NE!

nummy =3

Would I follow you into the dark?

Love of mine...someday you will die.

It's died, and it's been dead.

You said you were my friend...yet you put me through all of that pain?

You could of saved me, but you chose not to.

I was following you in the dark. Bad choice on my part.

You're not worth my time. There's someone out there better than you'll ever be.

You could of taken part in my life but you didn't. Not one attempt.

I feel lied to...cheated, and betrayed. Yet you wouldn't set aside your differences when the species of Tigertron was nearly extinct.

You've had it easier than me. Thanks for being there when I needed you.

I don't hate people...but I do hate you.

Cancer Sticks

Bigger than Jesus Bigger than wrestling Bigger than the Beatles Bigger than breast implants Bigger than guns...Bigger than Cigarettes

Panic in the streets of Tigertron!

"Hang the DJ"

The radio hardly plays good music these days and along with that, you hardly hear good music these days. The Smiths were ahead of their time when they released "Panic".

Burn down the disco
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music that they constantly play
IT SAYS NOTHING TO ME ABOUT MY LIFE
Hang the blessed DJ
Because the music they constantly play

It's true that today's music hardly says a thing about my life. I'm an individual who is constantly depressed. Every 20 minutes another ash falls off my cigarette.

Life?

Thank you for making the last couple days pass with a smile. You know who you are.